Well, Chris Lee's work on our new web site looks awesome! (I'll let him reveal it when it's ready). With that site, he's threatened to add a link to this blog, so I figure I'd better start writing again.
Where to start...
Recently, I've been struggling with Jiyu-Waza. There are plenty of things I do in the dojo that I'm not satisfied with, but this is one that has me really frustrated. The voices inside my head during Jiyu-waza are like this...
"Breathe, relax, blend... CRAP! Whoa, that was clos... Shit! Breathe, rela MOVE! C'mon, Mike. Whu? OK, not bad -- now do something DIFFERENT! How'd I get here? Blend, dammit! Why am I out of breath?! Drop your center! Damn -- not like that. Grrr -- wrong blend again!! <pant> we don't do that one here... Where'd he come from!?? Jeez, when's she gonna clap, ferchrissakes?!.... " etc, etc...
In general, too many exclamation points.
Here's the thing. I'm a much better Uke than a Nage. I've known for a long time that 80% of my "deep" learning comes from being Uke, not Nage. (note to self: blog about Tonya's recent awesome "Uke-centric" class). But I also know intellectually that there's really no difference. It's always all about blending, centering, breathing, etc. They're truly identical in terms of everything that counts. Yet, oddly enough, I feel much more in control when I'm Uke than when I'm Nage. Honestly, much of the time I feel like there's a "reversal" just waiting for me when I attack -- the lesser the experience of my partner, the more that's true. I think I'm more comfortable as Uke because, as Uke, I feel like I "turn off my brain" and just react -- which is the part of me that gets in the way, especially during Jiyu-waza.
A musicians' reference: Doing good jiyu-waza is like finding the "pocket" when performing a tune on stage. It's when you really express yourself, rather than just play the notes and stay in time.
So, I says to myself... "Mike," I says, "what's it gonna take for you to tap into your Uke brain when you're Nage -- and especially during Randori?"
(Note: I might use them interchangeably, but jiyu-waza and randori are not the same. Moreover, how they're different varies from style to style, and dojo to dojo. Check out this conversation: http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-6324.html.)
So here's the thing... When it's my turn to do Jiyu-waza, I want to feel like I feel and think like think when I'm Uke. I want to treat every attacker's energy as if it's coming from a Nage -- so that I can react like I'm an Uke -- except free myself up to execute those "reversals" that I feel are there. They should be ripe for the picking, no?
So, if you're working with me, and I'm Uke, and you feel me playing with or hinting at reversals, or just offering a little resistance, it may be because I'm working on a "unified theory" for myself.
Domo Arigato
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